Ever since the ozone layer began disappearing, dermatologists have become somewhat fiendish. To them I am probably a nightmare patient (either that or a potential cash cow), since my use of sunscreen utterly disrespects all of the instructions and warnings they are always on the Internet, newspapers and TV hawking about. My face lotion has an SPF, but that is just a coincidence. I have had several major sunburns in my life and still, against recommendations, I don't even think of slathering any exposed body parts on a cloudy or winter day.
I had an appointment yesterday with a dermatologist. I have had a couple of dry, itchy spots on my body, namely my left hand and each ankle. I was supposed to see a woman doctor, one I've never met before, and since I sometimes feel guilty about my disregard for the "rules," I started to think up excuses and comebacks for her inevitable bombardment of questions about my sun and other habits, and the certain blasting I was to receive in response. (I am currently tan, and although my tan lines aren't readily visible with clothes on, I was sure she'd see right through that.)
I started thinking about all the things this bitch would find to berate me about. She would probably ask me if my toe ring was nickel-free, tell me that the little lines above my mouth wouldn't be there if I hadn't smoked as a youngster, and make sure I knew that my acrylic nails were likely to turn my real fingernails into a hotbed of fungus. She would most likely be beautiful, complete with porcelain skin, wrinkle-free and unmarred, with nary a chicken pox scar (oh, and I was sure that she'd make sure to point out the fact that I should't have scratched that area at the corner of my mouth 36 years ago when I had the chicken pox). After she berated me for the entire appointment, she would write down recommendations on the back of her prescription pad for heavy-duty sun blocks, warning me that if I didn't start using them immediately every day, that I would end up looking like a leather woman whose picture she would whip out of her lab coat pocket and shove at me.
It turns out that there was a mix-up with the appointment, and I was to see a man instead, someone that David had seen and really liked. He was a nice man. He didn't comment on my lightly bronzed skin and I am sure he never noticed my toe ring. He put on some magnifying glasses with a light, like he was going mining, and looked at my itchy spots. He diagnosed me with Lichen Simplex Chronicus. "What does that mean?" I asked. "Itchy spots," he answered.
Since he was so nice, I asked him what cream would work best for the fine lines above my mouth. He told me to make an appointment with his colleague, the plastic surgeon. I am so not going there. At least not until I look like that lady whose picture the other doctor would have shown me in her raging fury.
4 comments:
I hear you loud and clear! I know how much better I feel when I have a tan about everything. On the flip side of our sun phobia is something that I read a while back. Not getting enough sun is bad for you as well. Sun creates vitamins and hormones in your body and this an directly effect your mood. I know how blah I feel in the winter when we go days without seeing the sun. My belief is that a little of something is not going to harm you.
My Dermatologist (Dr Kerwin) is ALWAYS tan and also has white stuff in the corner of his lips but that's another story. I bet if you look at his picture right now he'll be tan. He jokes around, calls my kids ugly and then wants to kiss us and hug us when we leave. We never let him kiss us because of the white stuff in the corners of his mouth. He says "nothing is wrong with laying in the sun as long as you protect your skin with sunblock." Oh yeah, he never once charged us for anything he's done - whatever our insurance pays him he takes and is happy with it. He is the coolest and best doctor in the entire world! If he didn't have sour cream, left over cottege cheese, alfredo sauce, or just plain ole shumtz invading his mouth I would marry him in a second.
OMG I forgot to comment on your blog! I got so wrapped up in Dr. Kerwin.
Wasn't Dr. Klein the coolest Dr. in the world? He pierced my ears. We loved going to him BUT he would spray our faces with that "so cold it's hot" stuff and charge it as surgery. He always had the best magazines in the dark waiting room and eventually started pushing his own products. I remember I used a sunlamp that was 40 years old and burnt the hell out of my face and he said that if I did that again don't bother coming back to see him. I was scared of him after that.
I am a firm believer in getting some sun. However, I do not tan like I used to when I was a teen. The baby oil, the lemon juice in the hair (well, I could still do that), lay on my back for hours and just tell the sun to "do your thang!".
On the other hand, I do try to take care of my skin. I do not care to have additional wrinkles caused by too much sun. This is why I have a great "bronze look" thanks to Estee Lauder bronzing powder.
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