My weight: it's always been a pervasive issue in my life and even though many years ago I decided that when I hit 80 I would let myself go, eat to my heart's content all the chocolate chips, Hawaiian bread, full-fat cream cheese, and artichoke hearts marinated in oil instead of water that I can fit in, I'm not sure I can do it.
I would love to do it. And I'd give it my all, I can do that much for myself. But, and much to my dismay, I think I would have to try really hard.
I seem to have started off my life a little fat, increased exponentially, leveled off for a while, declined in a major way, and since, have batted around about 10 pounds.
The whole go-to-town-when-I'm-80 idea came to me as a 16-year-old, when for one month, I lived on gum, raw carrots and a strawberry. I thought, I just need to be able to stay thin until I am old, then it doesn't matter anymore. And really, I'm not sure it does. When you're 80, you've come enough way to deserve to eat all the bread in the basket, lick the little white squares the butter pats come on. By this time you've earned cream soup and Frito's and...damn 100-calorie packs to hell!
It's a nice dream. But I wonder if I'm capable.
After all the years of conscientious food intake, the idea of eating with reckless abandon is akin to bringing the deed to my house to the blackjack table. Could I eat a whole eclair and not just lick the chocolate frosting off the top? Have I trained myself to react so rigidly to food that I may not be able to break? Will I still crave that chic junior department look or will I sigh with relief and pull on polyester with pleasure? My Bubbie, bless her heart, was the reigning Queen of Polyester, so there's hope - it's probably in my blood.
Maybe I should compromise. I'll do it, but I think I'll wait until I'm 90.
2 comments:
Perhaps that's what Alzheimer's is for. So you forget that you use to eat well and can start over freshly, and badly?
Funny, I was waiting until I turned 80 to get thin.
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