In Lunch Lady Land, your dreams come true.
Clouds made of carrots and peas.
Mountains built of shepherd's pie
And rivers made of macaroni and cheese.
But don't forget to return your trays
And try to ignore my gum disease.
No student can escape
The magic of Lunch Lady Land.
Clouds made of carrots and peas.
Mountains built of shepherd's pie
And rivers made of macaroni and cheese.
But don't forget to return your trays
And try to ignore my gum disease.
No student can escape
The magic of Lunch Lady Land.
-Adam Sandler, Lunch Lady Land
Ahhh...school lunches. Sticky spaghetti glued to those clumps of ground meat, steamy square meat-like burgers topped with processed oil-cheese and pickle slices, flat rectangles of sausage pizza-esque boards...all the center of a carbo-addicts dream. Oh, and tater tots, too.
I looked forward to lunch every weekday from September to June from 6th grade on. My mother had arranged for me to get "lunch tickets," nice words for "free lunch" since my father had died. Every month I had to go see Mr. Mac for my little book of orange tickets. Each ticket was equal to the $0.65 price of a lunch. Every weekday I'd rip off one of those little tickets and hide it from my peers. Every month I slithered into Mr. Mac's little office, looking both ways first to make sure no one I cared about saw me. I begged my mom to let me pay for the lunches with money, but she said no, since my father had died, I was entitled to free lunches. Somehow at age 11, I knew this to be shameful, especially since I also knew that we weren't poor by any stretch of the imagination. Still, every day I ate free government food.
But I loved free government food! I have always been a starchy food-lover and what else is a school lunch but a large pile of beige starch heaped onto a plastic pastel-colored divider plate? While everyone around me seemed to complain about the food, shunning it, leaving their plates half-full, my divider plate was always clean by the end of the period as well as the little tiny bowl that held the dessert: Neapolitan ice cream squares, frosted nut brownies, a big criss-crossed peanut butter cookie.
I kept my love of school lunches on the down-low. It was obvious to anyone who looked at my empty plates, but I never voiced it out loud. I knew that admitting to a love of school lunches would probably ostracize me, give the kids even more reason to tease me about being fat; in fact, admitting to loving any kind of food would have done that. So, I kept a low profile, collecting my lunch tickets, doling them out to the lunch ladies at the end of the line, carrying my tray to the table in hot anticipation.
Today, though I am a little lighter on the carbs, every so often I slide a tray of Tater Tots into the oven, sprinkle ‘em with a little salt and drench ‘em in a few cups of ketchup. My family really appreciates Tater Tot nights and as long as I can provide them without hairy moles on my face, I am happy to oblige.
6 comments:
I remember those lunches. I still recall that particular smell the lunch room had, like canned green beans and grease.
I have a confession. I used to love being a "lunch guest" at my son's school when he was in 1st grade. For $1.25 I could have what all the six year olds despised, clean my plate guilt-free and enjoy every bite. The lunch lady used to make my favorite if she knew I was coming - "German Burgers", that same grey hamburger meat, American cheese, and onions rolled up in frozen bread dough and baked. I can still smell the steam wafting up after my first bite. Remember, now, I was thirty something at the time, not 10. I live in shame.
"..But don't forget to return your trays
And try to ignore my gum disease."
One more thing. That kind old lunch lady comes into my office and still remembers me. I'm a dental hygienist in a Periodontal Office (gum disease!)
Maybe we need to form a support group. :-)
Yum...hogies and hot dog lunches. The milk machine in the hallway and the mean old lady that used to yell at us for talking during lunch. Why couldn't you talk at lunch? Mean old lady.
The cafeteria at frost did produce good TATER TOTS. A Fish sandwich and tater tots was the only hot meal I would eat at Frost.
The scent of the warm lunch trays made me want to gag. I cannot give a reason why, they just smelled.
Oooh, the one lunchroom lady who had the super big black glasses and big nose (I should talk about big noses!) -she used to scare me.
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