Silent

I've been silent, I know. It's my life right now.

Three untimely deaths, an impending divorce, under-employment, the lengthy and difficult crawl toward a long-elusive Bachelor's degree, along with really missing my home planet (Detroit is like another world these days), are all kicking my butt.

In October alone, I lost my dear friend Julie to ovarian cancer, my Uncle Steve to liver cancer and my father-in-law, Paul, to causes of which we are not totally sure, but almost certainly having to do with a weakened heart and emphysema. One of the few bright moments of October was Diane's visit to Naperville, though it was marred by my tears and wistfulness - she came the weekend Steve went into hospice care and Paul's sudden death. Still, I will always be grateful that Diane, who came all the way here on a train that was terribly delayed by a prior derailment, simply looked at me and said, "It doesn't matter. I am here for you because you need me to be."

Divorce is a tough thing. With respect towards David, I will not dwell on it in this relatively public forum, but I will say that even though you might think that something is for the eventual best, it does not mean you think that thing is easy or nice.

I have been looking for a job since last January. It is now December. I have worked part-time for so long, that I believe I have compromised my professional attraction to employers. The job market stinks and with so many applicants for so few positions, why choose someone whose resume has become less impressive with time instead of the opposite? I am hoping that obtaining my degree in June will help.

My degree. I never gave up, did I? And now, in a mere seven months - SEVEN MONTHS - I will walk across that stage in that strange flowy costume and receive what I promised myself I would get since I began my career of starting and stopping college 27 years ago. My heart fills to overflowing when I think about it. No modesty here.

There have been some other good things, too. Madeleine has blossomed in junior high. She is having challenges, mainly those having to do with her extreme social nature and the problems that causes in class (she gabs too much), but I am so proud of my baby. She is a wonderful friend and as a result has a ton of them. She is a natural leader. She is a very bright girl and when she can learn to focus better on her studies (we are working on that), I know that what she will go on to produce will be noteworthy. She's my baby.

In spite of everything, I feel so grateful for the love that has blanketed my life. I have irreplaceable friends to whom I am stubbornly attached and I am forever grateful for the blessing of substantial relationships in my life. I have a sister who accepts every single thing about me, whether it be stupid, scary or sensational. I am writing short stories and that means I am embracing my creativity and that makes me amazingly happy. Oh, how filled-to-the-brim I feel when the words come out of me and land on the page. Writing is (and always has been) my passion and I am forever grateful that whatever forces allowed me to recognize that all over again stopped by long enough for me to grab on and go.

Please don't forget about me. I love writing this blog. It's just that stuff got stopped up inside for a while and wouldn't come out.