Jim

So, I was married before. I am in a different life now, that other one seems like it happened to a different person altogether. It lasted almost four years - four years from "I do" to divorce, or, "I don't anymore."

I married a man who drank.

This post could end here - I mean, why even bother to explain? It's obvious, isn't it, the end result of my alcohol-saturated marriage? And it was 20 years ago, that last day in court, when I showed up and he did not and the judge from up high said, "I don't blame you one bit."

His name is Jim (Or that could be was. I have no idea whatever happened to him. Maybe he kept on and kept on and finally did himself in, the way he was headed all those years.). When I knew him, he was a nice man, came from a good family (of a few alcoholics), and he loved me the way I loved him. He was handsome and smart and thought nothing of sitting around the coffee table devouring a bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup miniatures with me. I like that in a man.

But on the days he was not doing the nice husband things that wives like me appreciate - things like being at home, going to work, being affectionate, helping around the house - he was out drinking at places like strip joints and mysterious people's houses where parties formed and people like Jim were welcome to spend the night.

We (he) fell into a pattern which quickly formed the bedrock of our marriage. On Day One, he stayed out and drank, on Day Two, he stayed home to nurse the aftereffects. And then, immediately, another Day One would ensue.

I knew he was sleeping around, but if asked, I am positive that he would still deny it to this day. After all, the smell on his breath made one vice obvious, but the other vice was more easily hidden. I couldn't concern myself with both issues, so I chose to concentrate on one and stay in denial about the other. And when I finally told him to move out, he did.

One lawyer-at-a-discount (I was working for him) and day in court later I was no longer obligated to put up with another person's drinking problem. POOF! Just like that. On my own.

I'd never been on my own before. I was 25 and had never had to pay a bill, unclog a drain. You learn quickly when you have to. I worked a series of jobs for barely any money, but they were jobs and I was learning.

I learned a lot back then.