SAD

In these winter months, by the time daylight deigns to reign over this part of the earth, it feels a day late and a dollar short, and I'm not buying it.

I don't relish it the way I wish I could...it betrays me with its quick departures and haphazard commitment.

I have SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. This has mostly to do with the lack of sunlight which can cause a disruption in your circadian rhythm (which regulates your sleep patterns), as well as cause a drop in your serotonin level (which can lead to depression).

Some winters it has been pretty bad. I know now that the level of severity couples with what else is going on in my life. This year seems to be a bit different because things for me are different in general; it is less severe. But it is still there, very much so.

I long for the warmth of the sun. I love how it heats my shoulders, makes me feel rich down to my bones. I appreciate the hue it bestows upon my cheeks.

I do not understand the way people find beauty in snow and winter scenery. I know that at its essence winter can be pretty - snow's pure whiteness, the unbroken translucent glassiness of ice-covered twigs. But I don't understand the way anyone can relax in this season, how they can smile and say let it snow, let it snow. I wish it away. It does me no good. I see that everything has died, gone dormant. The animals have hidden themselves away, people have buried themselves beneath layers of heavy, unnatural coverings. The grey sky gives no hint of its warm-time glory, and my outdoor furniture sits lonely on my deck subject to the whims of the weather, and gets no attention at all.

I was born in the wrong region of the country. It's as simple as that. But how do I get out of here?!