Renee Now

How devastating the news I received tonight about my childhood friend Renee Greenhut. Last year I was inspired to explain our uneasy relationship in a blog post. This year, tonight, I am reeling from the news that she has passed away.

She would have been 45 this month. I have no idea how she died - the autopsy results will not come in for six weeks - but I guess for me, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that my childhood friend, a girl who bruised me, made me cry, introduced me to my first cigarette, and left me with a whole lot of memories, has gone, way, way too early.

I have known Renee for my whole life. I continue; she does not.

She used to eat Goober Grape sandwiches. We used to mess around on her brother's CB radio. We played the song "My Ding-a-Ling" incessantly on her little record player. I loved her mother. She had the biggest, scariest German Shepherd named Rocky who'd have to be locked up whenever visitors came. I had a dream about her recently - a simple one where I went to her old house and called to her from the front lawn through the bay window. She had beautiful, black hair - it was so shiny and it lay perfectly atop her shoulders. She had a penchant for very tight pants and high-heels, but her figure let her get away with it.

I went along with the crowd and teased her, but I really did like her. She was not always easy to like, but she had been my neighbor since day one and she was just Renee. When my Bubbie died in 2002, she came to see me at Papa's house even though it had been decades since we had seen each other. That was really nice of her and I sincerely appreciated it.

So now, even though Renee has not been a part of my life for much longer than she has, I feel like I will miss her. I feel a loss, a really big one.